8/7/2020 0 Comments I have no idea....I honestly have no idea how to start back into writing on here. I've had many ideas about what I want to write but it felt weird to me to just launch back into all of that without providing what essentially is going to be a life update (typical I know).
I had some pretty grand plans for turning this into a space that I enjoy and a place where others can escape into someone else's problems and have a laugh at my inability to function as an adult. This year has just been an absolute fucking shit show and there's no other way to explain it. I have been very fortunate that I have been relatively unaffected by the pandemic but it's left me not knowing what the hell I am going to do with my life. I'm in my final year of finishing my degree and I know that I want to continue working in the area that I've been studying, however, that's about as far as I have gotten in developing a career plan. My plan was to pack up my life and move across the country but I don't know I can do that anymore which I think might be partially because I don't feel old enough to be doing that with my life. I don't know, I'm in that weird stage of my life where there's nothing I'm "expected" to do, like obviously there is my graduation but that's only a milestone that's been placed on by myself not necessarily society. 22 is just the strangest age. There are people from my high school that are married and have children, graduated, running and managing businesses and others who are single or still have no idea what they want to do with their life. Sometime's I just feel like I'm sitting in limbo waiting for someone to tell me what to do which let's be real is not going to happen because I'm supposed to be adult even though I call my mum like four times a week for help. I suppose that was the luxury of being a kid wasn't it? Not having to plan your life out for yourself and being able to rely on someone else to know what was going on and being able to blissfully move through life with little worries. I think what makes me the most uneasy about not knowing what I'm doing with my life for next twelve months is that very little of it is in my control. We've lost a fair bit of control when it comes to making decisions about our life at the moment which is bit of double-edge sword. On one hand, I'm incredibly grateful that the Aus government is doing what they can to manage the current world situation and trying their best to balance what is best for the country while trying allow us some freedoms back. (Side note: if you are from Melbourne get your fucking shit together if you still think this shit is a joke. It's not! People are dying because you want to have drinks with your mates or you're refusing a test and are actually positive without knowing. The sooner you guys get your shit together the better for us all!!) On the other, it's weird to not know what the next six months is going to look like and what level of normalcy we will back to even though I don't think the normal we had prior to this will ever truly comeback to the same level. I thrive off having control about being able to make decisions about what I want to do and when I want to do it, it's how I manage my anxiety. I suppose that's another thing to update on is that my anxiety has gotten way way worse which I'm expecting most people's would have considering we're not exactly equipped to deal with such level of stress for months on end. However, I have noticed that over the last six months how much it has impacted my day-to-day life has greatly increased and I'm working on trying to establish ways to being able to manage it so that it doesn't ending up affecting my life too greatly. I think I've rambled on for long enough now, hopefully this post we make me feel more connected to this and allow me to feel as though I can post again. I hope to have post's up every Sunday but I'm not going to too strongly force myself to do that. Hopefully, this little update makes somewhat of sense even though it essentially turned into one big ramble. Till next time, Lauren xx
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24/5/2019 0 Comments My Social MediaJust a post to tell you of the other places you can connect with me and let me know what you might like to see.
Twitter- @this_thatx Instagram- @_thisxthat Email- [email protected] There are links on either the bottom or the side of each page on my blog for easy access when your reading my posts. There will also be a new blog post on Thursday this week! Trying to do bi-weekly post at the moment Till next time, Lauren xx P.S I know none of my names are the same which makes it hard to remember but I couldn't get them all the same! Sorry! 6/4/2019 0 Comments Big Changes AheadOver the past year and a half, my body and I haven't been seeing eye-to-eye. Quite frankly, we've been enemies, struggling to understand each other and starting to hate each other.
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome was a possibility that never crossed my mind till I got diagnosed in December. I have a family history of other reproductive issues such as endometriosis and fibriods but not PCOS. This is something that I still am trying to understand, learn about and find a way to best to ellivate some of my more severe and painful symptoms. This post will focus on my journey to getting diagnosed. It all started in January 2018 when I went to the doctors to get another repeat script for my birth control pill when the doctor was concerned about my high blood pressure. He then decided to take me off the pill and recheck it in 3-6 months time, which was fine I had already thought about coming off it anyway as I had started having a hard time with it (I can do a whole post of my birth control experience if that something you guys would be interested in). I then decided that I was going to give myself one whole of year of being hormonal birth control free and we'd just use condoms in the meantime and be fine. Coming off the pill I didn't experience anything very unusual, the first two cycles I had were regular, granted they were long cycles but that was pretty typical of me. So everything was great and going well until all of a sudden my period didn't turn up. I'm pretty regularly sexually active living with my boyfriend so the first thing I thought was 'Oh shit, I'm pregnant' so off to buy a pregnancy test I went. They were negative, all three that I took over the next week and a half then my period showed up and on with my life I went. I knew this was something that could happen over the first few months of coming off the pill so I didn't think much of it at the time until my next period was due. Once again, my period was late and my brain instantly thought 'I'm pregnant' but I decided that I would wait until when my period turned up last cycle and see what happens. Well, a week and half went by and no period so my brain went straight to I need to buy a pregnancy test and again, they were negative and another week went past until my period finally turned up. Something to note, over these cycles the pain I had experienced was quite mild and virtually non-existent which is something that I was worried about because I had a fair bit of pain with my 'period' while on the pill. So this pattern continued over with my cycles getting longer and reaching a max of 52-53 days and then would go back to 38 days and then back up to 52 days. I was spending a fortune of money on pregnancy tests until I decided that I needed to get help for this because it just didn't seem normal. Well the first doctor I saw was in the middle of a 52 day cycle in November 2018 just assumed I was pregnant despite telling her that this was something I had been dealing with for the past year and I had already taken pregnancy tests this cycle and they were negative. But still she dismissed me and just told me to come back when I got my period. I decided that I was going to book an appointment with someone else because this needed to be sorted out. This doctor decided based on my symptoms that it was more likely PCOS and she wanted to do blood tests and an ultrasound to confirm her suspicions. So I had the blood tests the same week of this appointment and had to wait two weeks for my ultrasound. The blood tests I got done two days before my period and the results came back 'normal' and I asked about the possibility of them not showing anything abnormal because my period came a couple days later, she was adamant that it made no difference and they were fine. So I took what she said as fact and waited to have my ultrasound. Couple weeks go by and I have my ultrasound (side note: the internal ultrasound is fine, you're covered by a sheet they can't see anything though it is mildly uncomfortable but it doesn't last very long) and I go back a couple days later to get the results from the doctor. Now this was a bit of hard time and I left this next appointment very frustrated. Based on my ultrasound results (greater than 25 follicles on each of my ovaries) and my irregular cycles she diagnosed me with PCOS and referred me to the gynecologist for further help. She then turned around and told me that they probably won't be able to help me and that there's virtually nothing I can do because I'm not trying for children. That they only really help those who are trying for kids and that I shouldn't get to torn up about it, I'll be fine. This was hard to hear especially considering the symptoms I experience and just from what I knew about PCOS that there definitely is things you can do to help and that if left untreated can cause some damage to your ovaries and whole reproductive system. I just basically ignored what she said about not being able to do anything for it and decided to just wait and see what the gynecologist says about everything which wouldn't be till months away I had a very hard time with my diagnosis and was pretty upset about the whole thing, especially not knowing what was going on with my body. That the possibility that my dream of becoming a mum in the future might be a difficult one, which was hard considering that's all I've ever been sure about my entire life. I've come to terms with it more now but I'm not at peace with it yet. I don't think I ever will be, I'm coping better now than what I was before and will be on a forever journey now to improve my symptoms and my health to allow my body to be the healthiest it can be There will be other post in the future about what I'm experiencing and what I'm trying to do to help improve my health and my symptoms. Please let me know if there is anything about this journey you want me to cover specifically and I'll try my best Till next time, Lauren xx 6/4/2019 0 Comments LifeF*ck me is my life just a whirlwind at the moment, I can't catch a break.
This space was supposed to become something and I wasn't just meant to post once in January like I usually do and then forget about it till next year and then just repeat the process over again. Surprise, Surprise, that started to happen again but I'm trying my best to stop that happening again and allowing the space to become what I wanted it to become. Life is just ridiculous at the moment, I'm just running from work to uni to home to do more uni work and the cycle just repeats. I'm just so exhausted and permanently attached to my computer. One thing that has been the hardest thing about being at uni is the fact that no one in my super close friendship group or my partner is doing uni so no of them understand how hard it is and the amount of work is involved in what I'm trying to do. Beyond that none of them have even tried to understand what I'm studying, they don't ask any questions related to uni whatsoever and it's pretty disheartening to not have someone the most important people in your life not even try to understand something that is and is going to be a significant part of their life. We always talk about their work and everything related to my life and we talk about everything that doesn't involve work or uni for me. All well, hopefully that is something that starts to change soon or maybe I'll just start pushing it on to them a bit more. Anyway, the point of that anecdote was that trying to balance finding time for them among everything else that is going on has just been a mission in itself. It makes me incredibly thankful that my boyfriend and I live together otherwise I would struggle to find time for him, I'm already struggling some days to give him all the attention he deserve. He understands, most of the time, how hard I've been working to balance everything and do everything I need to do. I have been struggling a little bit of late to get him to help me around the house, it just feels like I have been doing everything of late and its incredibly frustrating and difficult and has caused a number of arguments of the last few weeks. But that's okay, we're dealing with it and things have been getting better Balance will come with time, you'd think after 2 and a half years I would already have it figured it out but it's a working progress and hopefully life will settle down soon and I can catch the break that I need Thanks for letting whinge about my life for a little bit Till next time, Lauren xx 18/1/2019 0 Comments ResolutionsI'm normally the type of person that, like everyone else, sits down at the start of the year and brainstorms goals and things I would like to achieve for the year and every year without fail I never achieve them. So this year I decided that goals can fuck right off. I decided at the end of 2017 that 2018 was going to be my year and it was going to so fantastic and I was going to write down all these goals and achieve all of them and life was going to be so great. I also decided that I was going to write down what I achieved every month and at the end of the year I was going to have this amazing book that was filled with all these goals I achieved and achievements I made. Well cut to 2019 and I did none of it. I forgot that I even had the book till December. Now I'm not saying that goals and writing down achievements don't work or that is a shit idea because it's not! It just doesn't work for me and my busy life style trying to balance work, university and my social life. I just don't think written and set resolutions work for me. This same cycle just ends up repeating itself year after year and I think it's time for a new system. I think it's easier for me just to have an idea in my head about how I want to improve my self and what I want to accomplish, makes me feel less shit when I don't complete these written goals. Not that having them in my head and not completing them doesn't make me feel shit either. I just forget sometimes about how busy my life is and that sometimes I just don't have time to do everything I want. That's okay though and this year I'm learning to be kinder to myself because I deserve it after all the shit I've put myself through and the major changes that will be happening this year (will elaborate in another post). Not to mention the ridiculously busy life I lead but I'll figure all that out, eventually Till next time, Lauren P.S I know this post doesn't make any sense considering its April, it was meant to go up sooner than this haha 18/1/2019 0 Comments Unrealistic ExpectationsHi, Welcome.
I honestly have no idea if anyone even looks at this blog or the previous three that I have created but if anyone does, I'm sorry for never posting on what was supposed to be a "well run" and "successful" blog. To be totally honest when i created this blog, i did it with the wrong intentions. I wanted to have that successful blog that everyone read and talked about with their friends and recommended for other, setting such high, unrealistic expectations was always going to be a recipe for disaster. I had all these ideas for posts that I could never keep up with while trying to juggle the last 2 years of high school and the first two years of university. I also had ideas for creating things that were completely unrealistic for my skills and abilities, not to mention budget and the time I had available to do it. I had forgotten till a couple of weeks ago that I created this blog and removed my others. I also had forgotten about the first post that I put on here about essentially using this blog as a way to vent about what I'm currently dealing with in life, the adventures I've been going on and it becoming the "diary" I could never manage to keep during my teenage years. I promise to TRY to not as be flaky on posting and keeping updated with what has been going on during my life this year as I try and tackle becoming more of an adult, handling life challenges and my third year at uni. Finally, I thought I should finish by telling you a little about myself. Hi, I'm Lauren. I live in Victoria, Australia, about to turn 21, living with my boyfriend of almost 7 years and the rest you'll learn along the way. Till next time, Lauren xx 14/11/2017 0 Comments WelcomeWelcome to a space where venting is likely, emotions will vary and spontaneity is certain
A space where not everything will always make sense and the posts won't always relate but that's okay A space where I share the highs and lows of my life and all the adventures along the way |
AuthorJust a girl trying to make sense of the shit-storm that is life and trying to have fun along the way Archives
July 2020
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